It was a cold and rainy night. She was running for her life from the predators who were chasing her. As she ran, constantly looking over her shoulder to see how close those who wanted to harm her were, she felt herself stumble forward only to be caught by the cold, hard steel of....
.... the Oldsmobile 88.
Alright, so it wasn't quite that gloomy or scary - had you going though, didn't I?
It was actually a rather comfortable and pleasant night. I was at church, First Baptist, for Wednesday night service - Acteens! I can't remember if it was before church or if it was during a break time, but I do remember being outside on the sidewalk goofing off with three guys [who shall remain nameless so that they are not hunted down and thrown into jail]. We were Junior High students, so we were, of course, just plain dumb. We were running up and down the sidewalk, and one of the gents decided to he would like to start throwing stuff at me. As I was dodging the incredibly dangerous objects [I think it was leaves....], I tripped. Big surprise, since everyone knows how incredibly graceful that I am, right?
It wouldn't have been so bad if there wasn't a big ole Oldsmobile 88 parked right in the space where my face was currenlty being hurled.
As I sat on the sidewalk, laughing about the latest proof of my cluminess, the pastor's wife walked outside. She looked at me and her face turned ghost-white. Apparently, I had busted my head wide open and blood was running down my face. I had no idea.
And then she called my mom.
To make a long story short - it was my first experience with getting stiches. When the male nurse asked me what had happened to me and I told him, he responded with, "Never tell that story to anyone else ever again."
I've always been a rebel.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Growing Up Bates: Redneck Easter Egg
My dad has a great sense of humor. Every now and then he has a brilliant moment of hilarity - if that is even a word. Being a bit of a humor freak myself, he did not often catch me off guard....
....until one Easter morning.
My mom was really big into making Easter baskets for us, even when we were older, she would make these cool Easter baskets with all sorts of goodies in them. We just began to take for granted that when we got up on Easter morning there would be candy to be eaten and eggs to colored.
On this Easter morning, mom set dad loose to make my Easter basket. It consisted of one item:
A giant watermelon...
...Painted white with Indoor Latex Paint...
...With the words "Hoppy Easter" scrawled across it....
I have never laughed so hard before or since. It was truely a moment of genius.
....until one Easter morning.
My mom was really big into making Easter baskets for us, even when we were older, she would make these cool Easter baskets with all sorts of goodies in them. We just began to take for granted that when we got up on Easter morning there would be candy to be eaten and eggs to colored.
On this Easter morning, mom set dad loose to make my Easter basket. It consisted of one item:
A giant watermelon...
...Painted white with Indoor Latex Paint...
...With the words "Hoppy Easter" scrawled across it....
I have never laughed so hard before or since. It was truely a moment of genius.
Growing Up Bates: Multiple Personality Disorder - Christmas Play Style
I admit it; it was fun to grow up in a small town. You get to do things that kids who grow up in big cities do not get to do like go Cow Tipping [ahem, not that I ever did that....] or play mail box baseball [which is SURELY never did....right....].
The thing about small towns in the South is that they are full of small churches. Our church was no exception. We had a membership of 32 people, and at one point I WAS the youth group. I was the only one. But at the same time there was a slew of kids under the age of tweleve there.
Every church must put on a Christmas program. I believe it is in the Constitution as a mandate, but I could be wrong. Our church was no exception to this rule. The year when I WAS the youth group, the Christmas programs that was picked were always waaaaayyyy too ambitious for our little group of kids to complete. There were big words in the dialoug, musical numbers, huge props, and actual direction that had to be followed to deliever the lines correctly.
Can you guess what happened next? As we were going through assigning parts my name kept getting written down next to several characters and all musical numbers. It basically became a one person play, simply because I was the only one who could read the big words at that time. Even when the song was supposed to be sung by another character, it was me singing off stage while the other character was on stage. I was talking to myself as different characters, getting outfits mixed up and straight up Milli Vanilli'ing my way through the play. It was lots of fun.
All experiences teach you life skills. What did I learn from the Christmas Play experience? I gained the ability to multi-task, and I learned that it is really alright to talk to yourself. Sometimes, it's even expected.
The thing about small towns in the South is that they are full of small churches. Our church was no exception. We had a membership of 32 people, and at one point I WAS the youth group. I was the only one. But at the same time there was a slew of kids under the age of tweleve there.
Every church must put on a Christmas program. I believe it is in the Constitution as a mandate, but I could be wrong. Our church was no exception to this rule. The year when I WAS the youth group, the Christmas programs that was picked were always waaaaayyyy too ambitious for our little group of kids to complete. There were big words in the dialoug, musical numbers, huge props, and actual direction that had to be followed to deliever the lines correctly.
Can you guess what happened next? As we were going through assigning parts my name kept getting written down next to several characters and all musical numbers. It basically became a one person play, simply because I was the only one who could read the big words at that time. Even when the song was supposed to be sung by another character, it was me singing off stage while the other character was on stage. I was talking to myself as different characters, getting outfits mixed up and straight up Milli Vanilli'ing my way through the play. It was lots of fun.
All experiences teach you life skills. What did I learn from the Christmas Play experience? I gained the ability to multi-task, and I learned that it is really alright to talk to yourself. Sometimes, it's even expected.
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